Something

Something happened when I was younger. Maybe it was because I was smart, maybe it was because I was incessantly teased. Teased and ostracized so much that when everyone grew out of it, somehow I still heard their voices and their hatred towards me. I became them and excluded myself from everything because I wasn't wanted. Maybe it was because I drew and made so many things. Something happened, and I detached from the world.

I withdrew into myself because I couldn't fit in. I couldn't become certain types of girls because I didn't look the right way, I didn't make friends easily, I didn't have enough money. Because of that, who I am is forever changed.

Thirteen to twenty is a long time to feel this. Every time I thumb through old notebooks, I come across repeated feelings, repeated moments like this where I try to step back and look at it all. I am looking at it all, and let me tell you this head is full of thoughts. I am not a forever kind of person.

Not to be alarming. This is just same old, same old.