a day for lost things

I didn't lose sleep last night. Apparently it is very normal to sleep all the way through the night and not wake up to toss and turn or check the time. I lost time. I am accustomed to waking up every few hours and noting the time, then going back to bed. Even in the summer I would do it. Generally I never have disturbance free nights.

I lost my women's earring collection, the only collection that I cared about other than my mail art. I have three orphaned earrings who were kept in another place, but now they are the only ones I have. I realized they are lost for good.

I lost my ipod touch and my headphones. Gone. Not in any inch of my locker, not outside, on the busses, or in the lost and found. Just gone. No more music companion or late night clock. I think what I will miss most are my sentences. For a few months I would type in a sentence everyday for a month just to capture a moment, feeling, or thought of the day. I stopped a little while ago, but I always meant to do something with them.

I lost my privacy. I lost the freedom to do whatever I want to with my body without anyone worrying about it. The case is against cleanliness. Clean places mean that people can read your shit because they can see where it is in your drawer, or cupboard. They can read letters, journal entries, and things they were never meant to read because they can find it.

Despite saying I am not lost, despite trying not to feel this way, that's the only way to describe today. Lost. I am more tired, and care less. Monsterous days that never end but are actually filled with very little. Uncertain, indecisive, and awkward, I have never felt less like a deer. I wish I could call in sick to school somedays. Not that I am sick, but I think something can be said for thoughts.