Other things that I do

I keep having dreams about penises. I don't want to go into details, but they are very vivid, yet not sexual in the way that you might think. Most of the time I am dissecting penises while they are still attached to the live male body. I cut open the penises to reveal a smaller one, then repeat this step. The male doesn't seem to care, and is caught up in some sexual feeling that is somehow related to what I am doing, but not entirely. Like they are getting off on something that is in their head and in their peripheral vision.

As of late, I have been feeling particularly unbalanced in a lot of ways. Unstable, distant, quiet. I feel like I am going through a lot of things alone. I don't have someone to talk to day to day, or I can't actually let myself talk to someone about non-superficial things. Well, fuck. No one wants to hear about how shitty you feel.

I can't trust writing things down anymore, I don't feel comfortable in my own house enough to express myself. I don't feel motivated to accomplish things. I don't see the point in giving up coping mechanisms which are literally the only thing I have been using to keep myself going.

Literally, the only fucking thing I have.