Pointless.

I am trying very hard to see the meaning behind things. I am looking at the small picture, scuffling around in the larger one, and categorizing details, feelings, and experiences. Right now my hands feel leaden. My fingers pick through the words and press keys to write this out. It feels like too much work for something I have already concluded.

I won't tell you what I have come to understand recently. You have to understand your own things. You will never understand mine even if I told them to you. The thing is, we are never ready. We are never ready to do anything, and this is mostly because we are afraid of what will happen and what people will think of us. You are no more ready for my conclusions, than you are ready for yours.

I have started to realize that things are not going to go the way I thought they would go. This is how life works. We adjust when this happens. We change. I am going to make the adjustment in the larger picture, so don't worry about the smaller one. I am adjusting. I will adjust. Leave me alone like you already know how to.

In the end, it's not really that bad. It's like stepping back to admire a building or a sculpture. You nod and think its not that bad, its not as bad as you thought it was when you were making it. You just had to get used to it. I'm counting on you getting used to it. I'm already used to it. Don't be surprised.