Cues from nature

This morning at 7:00am I woke up from sleeping in the multimedia lab. It was cold. Very cold. I left and had to get a coffee. There was nothing open. I was planning on waiting until they opened. I sat on a couch and looked out the window in the student centre.

The bird that is trapped inside was trying this morning to get outside. It was flying above me back and forth, back and forth. Finally, it landed on the ledge just across from mine. It stared at me for a second, hopped around, and then looked at the window. It chirped and looked outside. Chirped again, then looked outside again. I felt overcome with sadness, and I wanted to help it to freedom.

I knew if I made a motion to move it towards the door, it would fly away. We were far away from the doors. I told myself I had to go outside after it flew away. I had to go outside because it couldn't and I could.

I was walking up the street along the sidewalk. It is a cold quiet morning, and I see two deer coming out of the backyard of a house. They both stop in their tracks and look at me. I stop walking and look at them too. One deer is walking towards the sidewalk. It's going to cross the street to a small forested area on the other side. I see cars coming down the road. I don't want the deer to cross because my heart can't take anymore great sadnesses this morning.

The deer starts running, and I yell at it. I say, "wait!". The deer keeps running and makes it. The next deer moves in the same way. It's going to cross the street, and the cars are getting closer. I hold my breath as it runs across.

They both make it and disappear.

I realized that I should be more like those deer. If they can almost die everyday like that, then surely I can do the things that make me quiver.

March 18, 2010 I wrote:

Waiting at the bus thinking that I will wait for buses, but not for other things to happen in my life.

March 20, 2010 I wrote:

My sister told me that indecisiveness is one of the worst traits to have in a person. Doing something, even if it is wrong, is better than the time wasted trying to decide what to, or not to do.

March 30, 2010 I wrote:

My uncle dropped me off at the bus stop and he said, "Don't be chasin' those boys too hard," and in my head I laughed.