Competition

I feel like I am in competition with a girl who makes a lot of things too. There is no actual competition, but if there was, I don't know what I would do with myself. I wouldn't even know who would judge that kind of thing.

I think people should pin artists against each other, and see where it takes them. Have art shows that are like Emily vs. David. Sounds like a worse version of one of those dress design shows. The prize would be a felt ribbon and something else.

In my head I keep having to push myself harder and harder because people are doing things, and I am doing nothing. Tonight I felt overcome with the need to write something. I went outside and watched the sun set on the dandelions. I took out my old typewriter and nothing came to me. I wrote things on four pieces of paper. Letters, stories, poems. All of it was forced and shitty. All of it I recycled.

It's been a good day today, but I am a little worried that I am running out of creativity. I have ideas, so many ideas, but somewhere between thinking and writing them they get fucked up. Then there's this apathetic feeling where I just don't want to do anything.

Writing this is harder than it usually is.

The products of the evening's not really great artistic pursuits are more 1K notes. I make these all the time when I can't think of what to do. A 1000 x 1000 box on photoshop, a solid background colour or two, and caps locked helvetica font in white.