Fighting wanderlust again. No sleep.

I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be in northern Canada. I want to be in Western Canada. I want to see the ocean, the prairies, the cobblestone streets of vieux Quebec, the fishing villages of Nova Scotia, and everything in Vancouver. I want to leave and travel and wander until I have to buy new shoes, and then wander again. Alone, alone, but never lonely. Wanderers are never lonely except at night when they are staring at the stars, and they realize there are no bodies next to theirs. But, they get over this.

Kerouac and I share the same birthday. The day I found this out, I knew it explained why I want to travel so much. I have met people who share the same birthday as us, and they are non-wanderers with their roots dug so deep into the stones of their cities that they will never leave. They say they might, but they will never leave. Maybe only some people born on this day feel compelled to travel. I think it has a lot to do with growing up. When I was a kid we would move more often than my friends. I've spent twenty years unevenly divided into six different houses. I never associated staying in one place with stability. The house we lived in for nine years, the longest of them all, frightened me after awhile.

This need to leave is like a sickness. It keeps me up at night. It is one more thing that I think about when I go to bed, and last night I could not get to sleep. I have been awake for twenty-two hours and counting. I will probably fall asleep under the shade of an outdoor tree and forget my obsessive need to photocopy zines.

I want to travel, but I am pinned down by so many obligations and responsibilities and a lack of money. I thought this over between the hours of 3 and 6 am. I am contemplating Katimavik, except that it'll fuck up my plans for braces, and graduating on time. Who really cares though? Six months away from here, six months living, loving, and exploring new cities, people, and landscapes. Even my practical side (that only wants me to do sensible things) is telling me to consider it. Usually I am more torn in decision making.

I might as well fill out the application.

My wanderer's heart is aching for change.