Woke.
Picked Courses.
School meeting versus cousin's graduation.
"You have to go, you have to go,"
From John's couch to coffee to school.
Girl cancelled meeting because my cousin's graduation was amounting to an almost excommunication from the family's good books. You're always going to be in the family, but being in the family's good books is important if you want to not be talked about at family gatherings. I'm already weird enough as it is.
On the bus from school to home after sending mail. Fuck it, I thought. Zines don't need to be hidden from anyone under 30. Called mom. Mom mad/frustrated/upset. Partially at me, partially at the world, partially at the unclean floors.
Home. Forced change of clothing. Yelling. Sent fifteen e-mails in rapid succession to professors and peers for meeting times. Liss says to always send one to one emails instead of one to none. That means if someone sends one e-mail to you, send them one back even if you feel like the conversation is over, or if you are just saying thanks. These days she says kids usually don't send emails back. I usually don't do this, and I am trying.
Yelled at more. Mother exhales and says, "That's better," when I help her do up her dress and she sees that I am wearing one too. I tell myself I need to buy dress pants for days when I don't want to wear dresses, or just non-jean pants. Big fucking deal for my cousin to graduate, but everyone expects me to graduate.
Car comes. We leave.
Act II
Forced
(uncle John, cousin Sean, cousin Shannon, aunt Anne)
My uncle says, "Sit up in the front with me, so the ladies can gossip in the back"
The ladies are my aunt, my aunt's grandmother, and my mom.
This makes me feel better.
My cousin wants a kayak for her graduation, not ear rings.
My aunt bought her ear rings.
They talk about my cousin, how she's wearing a borrowed dress.
How she didn't want to go get a pedicure because its uncomfortable in her soccer cleats after.
Graduation is long. A 40 000 dollar piece of paper she says when it's over.
Follow her around and took photos of her and her friends.
She really appreciated everything.
Felt like a fifteen year old boy.
Girls that looked like Barbies, girls in low back dresses, girls in high heels, girls with red hair.
Girls that were all curves and hips, and girls who looked like boys in dresses, tall and short, and tattooed and not.
I felt like a fifteen year old boy.
Caught a glimpse of a girl who was in my peace studies tutorial in first year. Taking photos of someone like I was taking photos of my cousin. I had a beyond massive crush on her, and had thought of her randomly that morning, so to see her there was a shock.
Going home with my two cousins Shannon and Sean.
Shannon says, "Sean's so annoying, he's stressing me out."
I ask, "Why?"
Shannon says,"Well aly, there's a lot of pretty girls here."
As if I didn't notice.
After dinner, after everyone's back home, I change into the clothes I was wearing before. My mom gives my cousin ear rings. My cousin smiles and says thanks. Then my mother decides to give her the blow up kayak she bought in the the shed. My cousin is genuinely happy. My aunt sighs.
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