Coffees 16/i365
Saturday March 6, 2010 I love being tolerant.
I had too much coffee today. I don't know why coffee sometimes makes me feel better. More awake, more here. I know I should probably drink less than I do. There are worse things that one could drink.
Saturday March 6, 2010
Today the world fell apart, and I was there when it happened. I felt my body separating from itself as it sometimes does. I felt the fear and self-loathing in my chest pummel through my veins. I whispered in my room to my grandmother who is dead. I whispered to her for an hour lying on my side until I couldn't whisper anymore.
Before that I couldn't breathe very well. I couldn't breathe very well at all, and I kept trying to breathe better and better and this lasted for about ten minutes, but I think that it felt like I couldn't breathe for years. And I tried to suck in air, and keep sucking it in, but I really couldn't. I really couldn't breathe. Then my mother came into my room and started being angry with me, and I felt my heart rise up into my chest, and I felt like I was going to faint. That all the blood had finally decided to drain from my body and this was it.
So as I laid in bed at night, I asked the world, I asked the universe, and I asked my grandmother for many things. I asked them to speed up all of this, and that whatever the point is, that I sometime get it because I don't think that I am getting it very well right now. Then I went to bed, and I was disappointed that I got up on Sunday, the day that I am writing this all down.
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