Only two 33/i365
Tuesday March 23, 2010 (I love my )
I found my polaroid camera today, and I realized that I only had two pictures left to take. I think I know what I want to take them of, but at the same time I don't want to take them because I still want them to be there. Wearing these clothes again. Probably will wear them a hundred times more.
Standing in front of my art cabinet in my room. I feel really anxious if anyone else but me tries to go in there. Photo albums, CD's, books, old journals, letters, woodcut printing kit, silkscreening supplies, paper, ink, pens, paint, markers, pencils, pens and that kind of stuff in there. The black and white photos behind me are the ones from a photo swap awhile ago that I got sent from San Francisco.
Tuesday March 23, 2010
A little gallery of me curated by me. The exhibit ran 5:50pm-6:00pm today while my mother was napping. All she would have to do would take a glance at the naked embracing women in that drawing to know more about me than I want to explain right now. Everything here has meaning. It's not everything, but its just what I found lying around. I wasn't about to move around my posters and my mannequins. Dig through all my letters, music, and art.
Top: Four crayon coloured black and white photocopies I made from an Egon Schiele art book sometime in December. I really like his art, and the way he draws women. I was planning to mail them in a swap I was working on, but the person who would be getting them was a uber-Christian ish, army mom with two kids who also liked the army. I don't feel right having them. I feel like I should give them away.
Middle (from left to right)
farthest left: Letter and envelope: mail my friend sent me after I sent her mail in December/January ish about my sexuality. Made me feel better getting mail back because I thought she was freaked out.
Barbie: I've used this in a lot of photos about sexuality (shown or not), and in a video. I feel like it represents a part of what was expected in my past, and how I can choose to manipulate and accept this or not.
Letter: A love letter from a girl I received written in pencil.
Ornament: It's a little bit hard to see, but this was a Christmas ornament that I made and intended to hang on my Christmas tree this past year. It has two androgynous-looking female elves and a heart above them. I cut and pasted this with sample paint chips from home depot, and felt really proud about my work. I couldn't put it up on my tree because I didn't want my mom to see it and ask me about it. I'm also planning to give this away because I don't feel like I should have it.
Open DVD case: Effigy. The most important completed work I have made (so far) about my life, sexuality, love, and pain.
Bottom (from left to right)
Uncompleted blue painting: The girls were supposed to be lovers, but it didn't work out. I couldn't draw them how I wanted them to be because I was afraid of what other people would think. I tell people they are fairy tale sisters, but they are really lovers and the pencil lines don't know it yet.
Book: Erotic short stories. Straight ones mostly.
Photo album: Pictures that I have taken mostly of girls in their bathing suits that time I was doing a painting set on body image. I remember the comments the girls in my high school art class made.
Old moleskine: Story of my life. Anyone I have ever liked, she has known first. I almost died when I lost her, but I found her again.
Bed: Where I dream, write, draw, think, and stare at the ceiling.
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